Severe Penciling
Copyright 1999 by OldTom, all rights reserved.

I recently had the interesting experience of riding in a car with Old Tom. The conversation somehow turned to talking about how totally innocent toys can make a woman scream. I should have known better, but I offered to be the guinea pig for this one.

I will start this by explaining that the day before this conversation, I had been playing with a loopy johnny on the front of my legs and altho they weren't marked, they were still pink and stung like crazy to touch. (Loopy Johnny is NOT a nice thing to play with LOL) Now, here I was, sitting trapped in the front seat of a speeding car, wearing a pair of shorts, with very tender legs already... and I volunteered.... (yeah, dumb, I know)

First came the map. Yes, I was "mapped". Amazing what being flogged on your legs with a folded map can do! and yes, I screamed.

Then came the piece of gum. Can an innocent little piece of gum make a woman scream? yep.. if the end of it is slowly drug across already stinging legs it sure can! It was very gentle, very silent.. and I screamed very loudly. Yes, I was "gummed".

At this point, I was afraid to ask what was next. Speeding down the road with no real toys... I was about to be flogged by the dreaded pink-pig beanie baby! Yikes! (It has a wonderful "thud" by the way) I'm not sure the beanie baby flogging made me scream.. we were all laughing too hard by that time.

I was ready to admit that just about anything could make me scream and call a halt to the experiment... when he took out the horrible plastic McDonald's spoon. How awful can being "tapped" by a little plastic spoon be anyway? Try it sometime... Really awful sting! and yes, accompanied by screams.

Just when I was sure it was all over... it was time for the dreaded "penciling"!!!! It wasn't even a long pencil, just an innocent little short one... used like a tiny cane on the tops of my legs. A serious penciling... and serious screams. The eraser end seemed to be the worse. I was even "erased" just a bit. OUCH!

The moral of the story? Don't get in a car with Old Tom unless you are prepared to be "mapped","gummed", "beanied", "spooned", and seriously "penciled".... unless of course you like to scream. :-)

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